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10

Jun

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE HANDFUL OF TEEN WOLF FANS WHO JUST FOLLOWED ME

YOU’RE GOING TO WANT TO UNFOLLOW. First of all because this is the first post I’ve made in two years but MAINLY because this is a blog dedicated to making fun of people who have put themselves on the Emmy ballot, which involves filling out an application and paying a fee, and can be done by LITERALLY ANYONE who has appeared on a qualifying program.

To recap: Dylan O’Brien was featured here in 2012 because I found the idea of him winning an Emmy genuinely laughable. I STILL FIND THE IDEA OF DYLAN O’BRIEN WINNING AN EMMY GENUINELY LAUGHABLE.

19

Jul

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Matthew Morrison
Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, Outstanding Directing For a Comedy Series
AND NONE FOR MATTHEW MORRISON, BYE! TEAM JONAH HILL!

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Matthew Morrison

Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, Outstanding Directing For a Comedy Series

AND NONE FOR MATTHEW MORRISON, BYE! TEAM JONAH HILL!

Nominations are up here, and this is the point where I leave off and the rest of the internet takes over, because I cannot be bothered to actually watch the Emmys. [Al Gore invented Wikipedia so I could check up on the winners and DVRs so I could go back and watch the parts blogs tell me were worthwhile.]

Final score: 84 for 85, better than last year but still not quite where I’d like it. KATHY BATES AS CHARLIE SHEEN’S GHOST, SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY?

Emmy, Please! may or may not be back next year; it is honestly kind of miraculous that I’ve managed to do two complete nomination periods at all. In case this is the end, I’ve got one more post coming, because internet legacies are THE MOST IMPORTANT and I know what note I want to end on. (It’ll also be my hundredth FYC post, so, that’s nice.)

Thanks for reading!

18

Jul

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Larry Miller
Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Role: Willy Meehan (Deck the Halls)
Okay, this is NOT what I was expecting the synopsis of this movie to be:
Detective Regan Reilly and cleaning-woman-turned-private-eye Alvirah Meegan, investigate the kidnapping of Regan’s father and a young female driver just before the holidays. The race is on to rescue the pair and get them home in time for Christmas.
UM, WHAT? That sounds like the best Christmas TV movie ever made. [Haha, okay, SECOND best, the Lifetime one about the cop who spends Christmas bodyguarding for a stripper/witness and just brings her to all his family Christmas stuff because WHY NOT is actually the best one.]

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Larry Miller

Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie

Role: Willy Meehan (Deck the Halls)

Okay, this is NOT what I was expecting the synopsis of this movie to be:

Detective Regan Reilly and cleaning-woman-turned-private-eye Alvirah Meegan, investigate the kidnapping of Regan’s father and a young female driver just before the holidays. The race is on to rescue the pair and get them home in time for Christmas.

UM, WHAT? That sounds like the best Christmas TV movie ever made. [Haha, okay, SECOND best, the Lifetime one about the cop who spends Christmas bodyguarding for a stripper/witness and just brings her to all his family Christmas stuff because WHY NOT is actually the best one.]

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Jane Kaczmarek
Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy
Role: Candi (Whitney)
Whitney tells a white lie to her mother Candi (Kaczmarek) so that she can spend a drama-free Christmas just with Alex, only to find out her mother has held out a bigger lie of her own the last few Christmases.
I will never understand why Jane Kaczmarek and Peter Gallagher are on this show as Whitney’s parents; it’s a continuous cause for sadness and disappointment. Peter Gallagher gets off easier, because at least Sandy and Kirsten are even, you know? Bryan Cranston, on the other hand, will likely become a four-time Emmy winner this year for Breaking Bad, and the contrast between that and this is just a wee bit jarring.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Jane Kaczmarek

Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy

Role: Candi (Whitney)

Whitney tells a white lie to her mother Candi (Kaczmarek) so that she can spend a drama-free Christmas just with Alex, only to find out her mother has held out a bigger lie of her own the last few Christmases.

I will never understand why Jane Kaczmarek and Peter Gallagher are on this show as Whitney’s parents; it’s a continuous cause for sadness and disappointment. Peter Gallagher gets off easier, because at least Sandy and Kirsten are even, you know? Bryan Cranston, on the other hand, will likely become a four-time Emmy winner this year for Breaking Bad, and the contrast between that and this is just a wee bit jarring.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Ten episodes of Covert Affairs
Category: Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series
I like that when last year’s submit-eight-of-eleven-episodes strategy didn’t pan out, they decided the best idea was to go with ten out of sixteen. THAT’LL GET US THAT NOMINATION!
The actual explanation here is that the second season of Covert Affairs had ten credited writers, which levels out to one episode each and actually makes sense. Since USA shows are all notorious oversubmitters (Burn Notice also went with ten episodes, but I don’t have a picture of For Your Consideration Burn Notice DOG TREATS), it’s more fun to pretend that the network’s bitter as hell that it hasn’t seen any awards love since Monk ended, and it’s working through those feelings by going scorched-earth on the Emmy ballot. It’s like very targeted advertising! You can bet that Emmy voters know what Burn Notice is now!
[Math: On average, USA’s eight dramas each submitted eight episodes to this category. The average non-USA show - the sixty or so other dramas that make up the other 75% of the ballot - submitted three.]

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Ten episodes of Covert Affairs

Category: Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series

I like that when last year’s submit-eight-of-eleven-episodes strategy didn’t pan out, they decided the best idea was to go with ten out of sixteen. THAT’LL GET US THAT NOMINATION!

The actual explanation here is that the second season of Covert Affairs had ten credited writers, which levels out to one episode each and actually makes sense. Since USA shows are all notorious oversubmitters (Burn Notice also went with ten episodes, but I don’t have a picture of For Your Consideration Burn Notice DOG TREATS), it’s more fun to pretend that the network’s bitter as hell that it hasn’t seen any awards love since Monk ended, and it’s working through those feelings by going scorched-earth on the Emmy ballot. It’s like very targeted advertising! You can bet that Emmy voters know what Burn Notice is now!

[Math: On average, USA’s eight dramas each submitted eight episodes to this category. The average non-USA show - the sixty or so other dramas that make up the other 75% of the ballot - submitted three.]

17

Jul

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kelly Rowan and Emily Osment
Category: Outstanding Supporting/Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Role: Kris and Taylor Hillridge (Cyberbully)
I don’t want to belittle this movie too much, because the subject matter is about as hefty as an ABC Family movie is going to get, and if kids respond to it, then who cares, right? But, um, maybe this scene, where she explains to a gay classmate that she has it worse than he does, because he’s ACTUALLY gay but she’s not really a slut, wasn’t such a good idea. Obviously she’s in a bad place, but maybe just don’t include a “bullying is less terrible if it’s TRUE” loophole in your movie about how bullying can drive kids to suicide?
Also maybe they could have come up with something other than "I CAN’T GET THE CAP OFF" when it came to foiling Taylor’s suicide attempt. Just a thought.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kelly Rowan and Emily Osment

Category: Outstanding Supporting/Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

Role: Kris and Taylor Hillridge (Cyberbully)

I don’t want to belittle this movie too much, because the subject matter is about as hefty as an ABC Family movie is going to get, and if kids respond to it, then who cares, right? But, um, maybe this scene, where she explains to a gay classmate that she has it worse than he does, because he’s ACTUALLY gay but she’s not really a slut, wasn’t such a good idea. Obviously she’s in a bad place, but maybe just don’t include a “bullying is less terrible if it’s TRUE” loophole in your movie about how bullying can drive kids to suicide?

Also maybe they could have come up with something other than "I CAN’T GET THE CAP OFF" when it came to foiling Taylor’s suicide attempt. Just a thought.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kaitlyn Dever and Hector Elizondo
Category: Outstanding Supporting Actress/Actor in a Comedy
Role: Eve Baxter and Ed Alzate (Last Man Standing)
Hector Elizondo has over a hundred credits on IMDb, is in his seventies, and doesn’t have to pay a submission fee because he’s an Emmy winner and Academy member. I will not give him a pass, because this show is terrible and he knows better, but I won’t get into it.
KAITLYN DEVER. NO. You have your whole life and career ahead of you and you can do better. There’s got to be a teenaged Panabaker they can replace you with. Have your mom call Heather Fanning, and then you do whatever the hell Heather Fanning says.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kaitlyn Dever and Hector Elizondo

Category: Outstanding Supporting Actress/Actor in a Comedy

Role: Eve Baxter and Ed Alzate (Last Man Standing)

Hector Elizondo has over a hundred credits on IMDb, is in his seventies, and doesn’t have to pay a submission fee because he’s an Emmy winner and Academy member. I will not give him a pass, because this show is terrible and he knows better, but I won’t get into it.

KAITLYN DEVER. NO. You have your whole life and career ahead of you and you can do better. There’s got to be a teenaged Panabaker they can replace you with. Have your mom call Heather Fanning, and then you do whatever the hell Heather Fanning says.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Anika Noni Rose
Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama
Roles: Wendy Scott-Carr (The Good Wife) - The DA’s office begins its grand jury hearing against Will, and Alicia unfairly finds herself in the crosshairs. Meanwhile, Eli and Stacie Hall’s rivalry intensifies as the gay and lesbian alliance looks for a strategist.
Miriam Deng (Law and Order: SVU) - A maid who works at an upscale NY hotel accuses a high-profile guest of raping her.
Corinne (Private Practice) - When Sam insists Corinne be released from the hospital to his care at home, Sheldon warns him he’s in over his head.
One of these roles is a significant recurring role in a show with a proven track record of critical and Emmy success. One of these is a one-off appearance on the same show whose guest actresses won this category in 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010.
One is a recurring role on Private Practice, which nobody takes seriously and has never been nominated for an Emmy. Come on, Anika. It’s great that you’re this proud of the work you did, but is it really wise to split the vote any more than you have to?

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Anika Noni Rose

Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama

Roles: Wendy Scott-Carr (The Good Wife) - The DA’s office begins its grand jury hearing against Will, and Alicia unfairly finds herself in the crosshairs. Meanwhile, Eli and Stacie Hall’s rivalry intensifies as the gay and lesbian alliance looks for a strategist.

Miriam Deng (Law and Order: SVU) - A maid who works at an upscale NY hotel accuses a high-profile guest of raping her.

Corinne (Private Practice) - When Sam insists Corinne be released from the hospital to his care at home, Sheldon warns him he’s in over his head.

One of these roles is a significant recurring role in a show with a proven track record of critical and Emmy success. One of these is a one-off appearance on the same show whose guest actresses won this category in 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010.

One is a recurring role on Private Practice, which nobody takes seriously and has never been nominated for an Emmy. Come on, Anika. It’s great that you’re this proud of the work you did, but is it really wise to split the vote any more than you have to?

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Category: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama
Role: Bridget Kelly / Siobhan Martin (Ringer)
Outstanding Achievement in Special Effects, AM I RIGHT????

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Sarah Michelle Gellar

Category: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama

Role: Bridget Kelly / Siobhan Martin (Ringer)

Outstanding Achievement in Special Effects, AM I RIGHT????